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Alright, Alright
Tuesday. 8.16.05 5:17 pm
Okay! I've kept my mouth shut long enough-and I just have to say that alot of poeple's entries on abortion are starting to piss me off. Now, I don't want to be a bitch about this, but the stuff these poeple are saying is so ABSOLUTELY stupid that I can't take it. You CAN'T be mad that someone is having a abortion-if it was in YOUR body then it's your choice but if it's not you have no RIGHT to say that the person having an abortion is wrong. You have your belief's and they have theirs. Okay, sure it's your "family" but your not the one dealing with the responsiblity of having the child and raising it and if the person having the child think it's better to have it aborted, then it shouldn't matter to you. Yeah okay, I know that someone is going to say that "well they shouldn't have sex if they don't want kids" mm yeah, well, poeple can fix mistakes. That's the point. You can FIX the mistakes you make and if you didn't mean to have children and you don't WANT children and you think you shouldn't have them then you have a ticket out. Now, I know I sound heartless but abortion is a WOMEN'S CHOICE and NO ONE else's. And nothing pisses me off more then when I see poeple belittling someone else's freedom. I'm just sick of all these abortion entries. And don't even bother to fight with me about it, because I'll stick to my opinion. And don't start shit with me about how it's a sin and all that because if you read my previous entries I don't believe in any of that crap your going to spout to me.

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Just a random night...with random things
Sunday. 6.26.05 10:44 pm
I'm very easily pleased, easily amused. I tend to daydream a lot and people confuse that with the idea that there's something wrong. I think sometimes that silence between two people can be the most romantic. I don't like attachment at all. I'm a very independent person. I'm very headstrong and I'll never alter an idea that I believe in to make another happy. Honesty is the best policy. I'd rather come to terms with a cheating boyfriend than a liar. I'm very confrontational. I can't sleep at night unless an issue with someone is resolved or if I think I should let it go. I'm not very girly emotionally, which is why I think my boyfriend and I work so well. I really want to grow my nails out but it doesn't happen! I think in retrospect a little too much for my health. I grab everything I see when I'm in a store. I get irritated if someone tries to teach me something I already know, or something I can teach myself. I have a passion for talking to people, especially those with self-esteem issues or girls that are too attatched to their boyfrieds, or anything else for that matter. I refuse to learn through criticism and that's all people seem to do anymore if something gets messed up. Favorite foods areeee pizza, tofu, pasta, peanut butter and jelly, pancakes[I'm a breakfast girl] and french fries. I like ketchup, but not to much; bbq sauce is where it's at! Slowly but surely I think I'm getting to a place in my life where I'm content and finally happy with everything. Yay go me!

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Saturday. 5.28.05 7:10 am
I can't believe that another year of my life is gone. Where did my life go? It seems so strange to think that I'm going to be out of school in a while, it seems long but I know it's not. I fucking hate change. and Soo much has changed over the last two years. I can still remember when me and Amanda spent every waking moment together, and I can remember being friends with Kristy, I still remember dating Beaner and how cool I thought I was and I remember Ryan and Amanda...and I can remember my family not being all broken up....I can still remember alot, and I miss it.

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Yeah....
Thursday. 5.5.05 6:52 pm
I once watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, swiftly, along the edge of a straight... razor... and surviving. It is the scariest thing I have ever encountered.......and of course, you won't, you can't understand. But someday, you might understand why it scares the hell out of me....you just might.

Bye.

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Just in the mood to write.
Wednesday. 4.27.05 7:17 pm
Sometimes I feel as if I don’t have a choice. It’s like everyone’s looking down at me and I’ve got no where to go. People say that’s the way life is, but should it really be this hard? I’m only young but I’m dealing with so much more than the normal teen should be. It’s like a constant battle with myself, everyday, every second. Some morning’s I can hardly face myself in the mirror. I honestly sometimes just can’t stand the person staring back at me. Well, that’s the normal teenager for you, right? No. The pain I feel goes so much deeper than that. I can be smiling and be having the time of my life but still question if the smile on my face and the laughter coming from my mouth is real.

It’s moved so far past trying to impress people and trying to fit in. I’m no longer trying to live up to other peoples standards; I’m trying to live up to MY standards. It’s impossible some days. I don’t know why I do it to myself; I’m still as of right now trying to find an answer. But like many things in my life, answers don’t come easily.

Everything I hold dear gets violently ripped away from me. There is no sympathy from people. “You fall down, you get back up. It’s the way of life”. Someday maybe I’ll really be able to understand that, but as for now I don’t. When I lose something, it’s like falling into a hole. You’re alone, Faceless to the world. If I where to lose blood every time someone in my life has left me, I wouldn’t be alive.

There is no one to catch me at the bottom of this cliff, there are no helping hands to wipe away my tears and tell me that it’s okay. I’ve got one person in the whole world to help me, and that’s me. I am the only hope I need. I’ve learned in my short amount years here in the world, that you can’t rely on anyone but yourself. People are cruel. That’s the honest truth.

If I could say my true opinions on why I make the actions I make, I would. But I really can’t. The only thing I can really say is that I have been let down in life. By authority, by my role models, by my best friends and the people I love. It’s an unfair thing, you know. I feel like I’m beating cheated out of the days of my life that should be the best.

And sometimes, well, most of the time, ‘talking’ things out doesn’t get me anywhere. I don’t get why I can’t just let go of this constant pain. I want to grow up; I want to make unforgettable memories. I want to live, because I have never really lived before. I want to wake up every morning and not have to think of all the stupid and unforgettable actions I’ve made. I can’t go back; I can’t re-do these last 2 years of my life.

I'm not trying to get your sympathy and I'm sorry if it seems that way. I just wanted to vent how I feel. And that is the purpose of this journal.

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Updating for MANDA!=)
Wednesday. 4.20.05 9:40 pm
Uhm well...I basically am writing in this cause I promised Amanda that I would. So, I'll put in one of this useless quiz things that everyone hates hehe.:p

10 Things About You (personality wise):
1. if you're going to be an ass to me.. I'm gonna tell you to fuck off
2. I never take life too seriously
3. I'm nice to everyone at first
4. I'm very forgiving
5. I like to get fucked up
6. I'm the one who can make you laugh when no one else can
7. I don't set myself up for getting hurt like most girls do
8. I don't like meeting new girls
9. I'm not the brightest crayon in the box
10. I know how to have a good time

9 Things About You (physical appearance wise):
1. I have brown hair
2. I have brown eyes
3. I'm short
4. I have my navel pierced
5. I have a beauty mark, or mole if you would, on my knee
6. Eagle toes
7. some extra baggage
8. one dimple.. so i'm told.. but i don't see it
9. looks don't really mean a lot to me.. and by looking at me you can tell..

8 Things You Hate:
1. people who think they're better than everyone
2. anyone who tells me what to do
3. going to school
4. girls who cause drama
5. being hurt
6. some certain stupid boys that i wish i'd never met
7. not having a boyfriend
8. waiting, I am the most impatient mother fucker you'll ever meet


7 Things You Love:
1. Manda of course
2. summer
3. the feeling when someone actually cares about you
4. music
5. weed
6. being able to stay out whenever I want and do whatever I want....not that I have to worry about it alot
7. My boyfriend:)

6 Things That Attract You To The Opposite Sex:
1. You have to have really pretty eyes
2. Taller than me which wont be hard hahahaha
3. the more older.. the more mature
4. good personality as in good personality and caring
5. who would be nice to all my friends
6. Gotta have a sense of humor....If not, fuck ya!


5 Things That Turn You Off From The Opposite Sex:
1. cocky guys
2. ones that brag that they're all that in bed...yeahhhh right
3. immature
4. guys that don't know how to hold you right
5. unexprienced..


4 Things You Need When You Go Out:
1. my keys
2. cigarettes
3. my bowl
4. my friends<3


3 Things You Do Everyday:
1. Eat
2. Smoke
3. Hang out with my friends

2 People You See Everyday:
1. hahaha I don't see the same 2 poeple EVERY day
2.

1 Person You Miss:
1. Uhm...I miss hanging out with Manda all the time. WITHOUT OUR MOTHER FUCKIN BF'S YO




Yeah, no one will read this but Amanda but that's alright cause she's the reason I updated mother fuckers.


andddddddd...


This one goes out to all the pot smokers who arent high tonight
only the true pothead would run out of weed and be empty handed with bad luck on 420.. am I alone? My heart is with you. Peace!



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